Why I wouldn’t go to IHRSA this year in LA

February 9, 2012

A sort of competitor, sort of colleague, sort of partner, asked me last week if I thought he should go to IHRSA. He asked particularly, if I was him, would I go? Now, being the nice guy that I really am underneath, I wanted to extol the virtues of an event like IHRSA for his benefit. But…being the rhetorical smart-alleck I am, I told him flatly “I’d stay home. After all…” and then I rattled off about a dozen ridiculous reasons why it would be better to stay home. So this week, I present to you, 13 of those reasons (a bakers dozen if you will) why it would be better for me to stay home than go to IHRSA. (Put on your sarcasm detection glasses…now!)

1. The weather in Maryland in mid-March is cold and rainy. The weather in Los Angeles in March is 80 and sunny. Why would I give up cold and rainy and a chance of another snowmagedon for Palm Trees? I’d rather ride this perpetual gray out for a few more months.
2. Why would I want to meet with our thousands of happy customers? I’d rather stay at home and have to walk the dog (refer to reason #1 why this is such a good idea!).
3. Why meet up with old friends (and make some new ones) when I can watch TV by myself in my Man Cave – and by Man Cave I mean I don’t have a Man Cave.
4. Ohhh and while I am watching late night infomercials on TV, THAT’s where I can see all the newest equipment innovations.
5. Three words – Room Service Overrated!
6. As all great companies know, you should never worry about your competition.
7. New customers? They’re nothing but headaches. Why grow Motionsoft, when the status quo is so comfortable?
8. Why have drinks made for me by professional mixologists when I can just open a beer or 10. Nothing, and I mean nothing, holds a candle to a frosty Milwaukee’s Best! As the great philosopher Billy Joel said “Nothing is better than drinking alone”.
9. As the self-proclaimed smartest guy in the industry, why would I need to sit in on the various continuing-ed sessions! Those only make you smarter and I am totally winning that race!
10. St. Patricks Day is meant for family – What very few people know is that Al and I are actually Irish – when our great great great great great great great grandfather came to this country we dropped both “O’s” from our last name – O’Noshirvani’O.
11. We are a great software company, what’s there to see anyhow?!
12. As the writer of the most read blog in the industry, I am concerned the TMZ paparazzi will catch me in my velour sweatsuit at the airport and harass me at baggage claim.
13. Staying home gives me a perfect opportunity to catch up on my extreme couponing.

Obviously I’ve got lots of perfectly good reasons not to attend IHRSA this year. But for everybody else in the industry, its perfect chance to – catch some rays, talk to friends and customers, walk the show floor to see all the latest and greatest, get late night room service, keep a close tab on the competition, find new customers, drink a little too much and have a little too much fun, and get re-certified